🚨💀🔥 THE CHILDREN HAVE UNIONIZED. THE CRAYONS ARE HOSTAGES. WE NEED BTs & PARAS IMMEDIATELY!!! 🖍️😭💰

🚨📢 HELP WANTED: EXPERIENCED NEGOTIATOR PREFERRED 📢🚨

🎯 NOW HIRING: BEHAVIOR TECHNICIAN (BT/RBT)

📍 East Meadow, NY 11554 💰 Excellent Pay (the kind that makes you reply to the recruiter immediately) ⏰ Monday-Thursday | 4 PM-7 PM 🏠 1:1 In-Home ABA Case

⚠️ THE SITUATION

A highly intelligent, highly verbal 9-year-old boy is looking for his next Behavior Technician.

Before applying, you should know:

This child has never paid taxes.

Has never had a mortgage.

Has never worked a full-time job.

Yet somehow possesses the confidence of a Fortune 500 CEO. 😂

📝 DAILY RESPONSIBILITIES

✅ Explain a rule

✅ Explain the same rule differently

✅ Explain why the rule still exists

✅ Listen to a detailed counterargument

✅ Wonder if he might actually have a point

✅ Remember you're the adult

😅 THINGS YOU MAY HEAR ON THE JOB

"That's not what happened."

"Technically..."

"Can you prove it?"

"Where does it say that?"

"That's your opinion."

"And another thing..."

😂😂😂

🧠 IDEAL CANDIDATE

We're looking for someone with:

✅ The patience of a kindergarten teacher on the day before summer vacation

✅ The energy of a golden retriever who just heard the word "park"

✅ The emotional stability to be fact-checked by a fourth-grader

✅ The ability to keep a straight face while losing a debate to someone who still needs help opening a ketchup packet

💰 WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU?

💸 Great pay

🕒 Consistent hours

🎉 Fridays off

🏖️ Weekends off

💙 Meaningful work that actually makes a difference

And let's be honest...

A lifetime of stories nobody will believe happened.

🚨 WARNING 🚨

Side effects of this position may include:

⚠️ Becoming unusually good at negotiations

⚠️ Accidentally using ABA terminology in real life

⚠️ Catching yourself saying "Nice job making a good choice!" to grown adults

⚠️ Being humbled by someone whose age is still a single digit

📲 Send your resume, availability, and hourly rate expectations today!

💙 One child. One case. Infinite plot twists.

😂 Apply now before somebody else gets paid to argue with a tiny lawyer for 3 hours a day.